How do you control your anger?

Sometimes volunteer positions are interesting.

One of my volunteer jobs is being chairman of the Landscape Committee in Sienna Plantation, the community we live in.  Generally it’s mostly going to a monthly meeting, driving the neighborhood choosing yard of the month candidates, and sometimes doing a little homework.

But every once in a while I get an email from another of our residents, making a suggestion or registering a complaint.  I received one today from a guy who was upset.  Seems this morning as he was leaving the subdivision, there was water on the road from the sprinkler system, and it splashed on his car which he had washed yesterday.

His rant was civil, but thoughtless.  He was obviously angry about something else that was out of his control, so taking a shot at whoever was responsible for the sprinklers putting water on the street and messing up his car was the best he could do.

While he said that he couldn’t understand why there was water on the street, really he could.  We’ve been having wind gusts of 20-25 mph this week, and water from the sprinklers gets blown from where it normally would land.  He was just angry and needed to vent his anger at someone, and since whatever it was that he was really mad about didn’t have a target he could vent to, I got the email.

Unfortunately, this is fairly normal behavior.  I suspect that you’ve done it, as have I.  It’s not something to be proud of, but rather something to work to avoid.  It’s one of those lose-lose things.

What works for you when you become angry and want to lash out at someone, anyone?

DebraJune 21, 2009 - 11:33 am

The obvious answer to me, is prayer. Unfortunately; we don’t always take the time to stop and talk to God before we open our mouths – or shoot off a thoughtless email.

Lots of people say take a deep breath and count to ten before you speak. I find that helps with my children.

If I have to deal with someone or a difficult situation, and I have the frame of mind and patience to remember prayer – I always find the result to be much more pleasant. This works whether dealing with your spouse, your children, colleagues, clients or strangers, etc.

As for me personally, a lot of times I can diffuse my anger with humor. It helps to laugh at yourself, and then it is easier to laugh at the irony of situations you cannot control.

Anger is often really fear or disappointment churning itself into something more fierce than it needs to be. Anger is the result of unmet expectations. You wash your car, you expect it to stay clean for more than a day. That expectation is not met. You become angry.

The key in all this is to force yourself to stop and think (and pray) and get to the bottom of what your unmet expectation really is about.

Bottom line, talk to God – he knows everything!

Jim HughesJune 21, 2009 - 2:58 pm

Good thoughts, Debra. Thanks!

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